He's a planner

I love my boys... they make me laugh and shake my head all the time.

I came home two nights ago, after Ezra had been put to bed and Shawn told me he wanted to tell me about something Ezra had done.  I immediately asked "good or bad".  He clarified that it was more in the 'odd' category. 

When Shawn was putting Ezra to bed, Ezra told Shawn that he was going to cry later and wanted to make sure that Shawn would come upstairs into his room when he heard Ezra cry.  Shawn asked Ezra if he was sad and Ezra replied, 'no, not now, later.  I not sad... later I cry'.  So Shawn kept trying to clarify this odd conversation but Ezra was sticking to his story that he wasn't sad, but that he was going to cry later and wanted Shawn to come up when he started to cry.  So that was that.

15 minutes later, Shawn listened--no crying.  About another 15 minutes later Shawn heard Ezra crying... really crying.  When Shawn got into his room, Ezra kept saying that he knocked on the crib, but Shawn didn't come.  Shawn told him that he was there now because he heard him crying.  Finally after a while (and no clarification as to why Ezra had been crying), Ezra calmed down and went to sleep.

Then last night we heard over the baby monitor (we dug that out so that we could hear if he was crying), he started crying again... but different than normal.  It started out random and sort of pushed or forced--not his normal cry.  So I went upstairs to see him and I asked him what was wrong and he looked at me totally normal and said "I crying... see" and he pointed at his tears.  What was odd was, he wasn't sad (he wasn't fake happy either--believe me I totally recognize his sadness covered up with forced happiness).  He was just normal happy Ezra with a tear rolling down his face.  I asked him why he was sad and he said something to the effect that daddy had put him to bed and left him in bed.  I told him that it was because it was bed time and we all had to go to bed at some point.  We chatted and I asked him if he was sad and he said no--he didn't have a furrowed or puckered brow or anything.  When I left him he was fine and agreeing that it was bed time and time for him to sleep.

Oh my goodness.  What is that all about.  This child is planning to have cry sessions?  I am all for organization and planning, but deciding to have cry time just seems odd.

I don't even know if what I just wrote makes any sense--and part of that is because I don't think I can really make sense of it and I was there :)

Again, I have to say this is one of those laugh and shake my head moments.

Show no weakness

We had a family snowball fight at the park tonight.  Poor Ezra got cold and actually became rather emotional so we took him home to put him in a warm bath (for those of you who know Ezra well, he's always smiling and chipper--seriously).  Before going in the bath he was laughing hysterically but it wasn't because he was happy... he was trying so hard not to cry.  He did this until he just broke down and wept.  We just snuggled and when I asked why he was crying/sad, he just looked clueless and said "I don't know" and went back to crying.
I know this seems pretty normal to most people, but there is something different.  When Ezra doesn't get something he thinks he should have, it's pretty noticeable when he's upset--not because he has a tantrum or cries though.  He will just nonchalantly walk into another room.  When I call him to come to me, he quickly wipes his arm across his eyes, turns around had puts a big smile on his face.  I can still see some of the tears on his face.  When I ask him what's wrong, he smiles even bigger and says "I not sad, I happy"--and by that time the smile looks quite unnatural.  He keeps doing this until I tell him why I think he's upset and that's when he can't hold it in any longer.  The forehead puckers, the tears well up and he can no longer keep the 'happy' façade.   That's NOT normal. 
We keep trying to tell him how it's okay to be sad and cry (goodness knows, the child has seen his mother cry a number of times).
Don't get me wrong, I certainly don't want a whiny, cranky kid, but every kid needs to be able to break down and be sad/upset/weak so that his mom & dad can help sooth and carry his burdens--he's 4 years old!
I love my boys and it breaks my heart to even think that one of them doesn't think that he can be vulnerable in front of us.

Playing Together

With there being a 5 year age difference, it's hard for the boys to find stuff they both enjoy doing together.  The fact that they both love playing in the snow together is the main reason I love the snow!  Snow and pillow fights are basically the 2 things that they both enjoy playing together.

Until now...

Normally Liam would be well into school by now, but after breakfast they started playing this game where they stand on top of the couch, holding onto the window frames and try to pull each other off (of course giving the victor much valued points)

This has held their attention for almost 30 minutes already (without arguing or injury).  Don't get me wrong, I'm am certain sooner or later I will hear a big crash and something/someone will be broken, but for now school and caution can wait.  It is just so good to see them playing together and to hear Liam cheering for Ezra's victories (Liam told me that he's excited for Ezra to get points because that means that it's a challenge for him).

This mom has a smile on her face :)

This time last year

Yesterday was Ezra's 4th birthday.  This whole week I couldn't get my mind off the thoughts of 'this time last year'.  Last year had 7 months of memories where Ezra should have been with us, where because of government difficulties, he was waiting for us in Rwanda (all the while, the nuns thinking we really didn't want him).

This time last year it had been 4 months since we had received Ezra's picture in our email and we should have had him  home.  We decided to celebrate his birthday even though we were continents apart.  We went to Swiss Chalet (Shawn, Liam and myself), I propped Ezra's referral picture beside me in the booth and the four of us spent dinner together.  I'm guessing that our dinner was a bit tastier than Ezra's was.

We then went to the movies to watch a family flick--Ezra stayed in my purse because, even though it was a family movie, I don't think it would have been appropriate for a 3 year old.

Well, this birthday he is with us... boy is he with us.  He know what having a birthday means (after witnessing Liam's birthday in December) and he has been waiting for HIS day for so long now. 

What a great day it was.  It is so much sweeter not only because we missed the first few birthdays, but really because of how hard it was last year--to know his name, have his picture and know that our son didn't have his mom and dad with him to celebrate with him (Africa is so far away, especially when your child is there and you're not).

The cake, presents and attention were overwhelming.  From the other room I could usually hear him talking to himself about his birthday, singing birthday music to himself, or, of course arguing about his birthday with himself.

Yesterday was his day in the spotlight and he loved it.

Such a great day.  I know that every birthday I will feel immense gratitude to our Lord for the miracle that allows us to celebrate with our son!

hair

I'll be the first one to admit that I'm not the best at taking care of Ezra's hair (it was so much easier in the summer when we could just buzz it off).  But his 'winter' fro is quite a bit more labour intensive.

I tried twists for the first time this morning.  I learned how from youtube (same place I learned how to use my serger, cook, and most other things--if I can learn something in less than 4 minutes, I'm up for it!)

 

The video said it could stay in for up to a week.  And like the video told me to, I used lots of conditioning stuff and combed it really well so it wouldn't be knotted.  I am, however, worried that after 1 or 2 sleeps it will be soo knotted we'll have to shave it off!   

 

 

Sooooo, if the next picture you see of Ezra is with a shaved head, you'll know what happened :(

I had to try.

I hope it stays in long enough for Shawn to see it on Saturday morning when he gets home.  It's too much work to only stay in for 1 or 2 days!!!

 

 

Liam made it very clear that he did not want me to do that to his hair. 

No problem Liam!

 

 

.... just two more day until Shawn comes home. 

I am so counting down the hours!

 

 

Forgetting How

I don't know if it's just my Ezra, but every month or so, he forgets how to play by himself.
Yesterday I did tot school with him and another little boy and he had a blast.  We went outside for a bit, the boys watched a bit of tv, and I read him books... we had lots of 'face time' and it wasn't just a boring old day.  But when it was "Ezra alone play time" he couldn't do it.  He would wander around and seek more attention until I told him he had to go into the den and play with his toys.  He then would either just wander around the den aimlessly or just sit on the floor in front of his toys and wait for play time to end.  Honestly, there is only so much attention I can give the child.  Shawn and I have put him to the test in the past to see how long he would just sit and wait for play time to be over rather than amuse himself... it was remarkably long!
When we first had Ezra, he was pretty good at alone play time, but then when he realized that it was more fun to be entertained by an adult it was funny how quickly he lost the ability to play--seriously acted like he was fully incapable of playing by himself. 
Shawn and I just expect it every few weeks and can just laugh at the absurdity of it BUT Shawn is away this week and the days are looooong.   I was expecting a little regression because of Shawn's absence and so far it hasn't been too bad (just forgetting how to play and speak properly... not bad!).
Fortunately we have a little routine we go through when this happens to help encourage him to 'remember' how to play.  So today we are working on this and have had some improvement!

 

Now, if I could only find out the source of the pee smell I'd feel a bit better.

 

Well, that's new

We experienced some new behaviour today... but first the fun stuff:

 

This winter has been a blast so far.  The snow brings with it so many fun activities... so far we've had snow forts...

 

tobogganing...

 

and then yesterday we went skating. 

I have to admit that holding a 3 year old up on skates for 40 minutes has given me a great awareness to certain muscles the 'day after'.  So much fun!!

Now onto the new behaviour... stealing food.
We had some leftover timbits on our counter from a church meeting  last night.  I noticed that Ezra had some suspicious crumbs on his face and started questioning him.  If there was any doubt, his sweet sticky hands and missing timbits revealed the truth.
I think we've been lucky up to this point to have gotten away with mild food issues (Ezra's inability to know when he's full and always wanting more food).  I hope this just ends up being 3 year old boundary testing and not something bigger  *fingers crossed*
It was interesting that for about an hour after dealing with this, Ezra would bring up comments about going back to the orphanage--almost looking disappointed when we told him "no more orphanage" and that Jesus gave him to us to stay with us.  It's still hard to explaining 'big' things to a 3 year old with limited language and comprehension (don't get me wrong, he understands a lot, but some concepts are beyond the comprehension of a 3 year old).

I so badly want Ezra to know, really know that we love him.  I want him to know that we will always love him.  I hope that we can show our love to him through loving discipline followed by tons of hugs, kisses and smiles.

All Hands On Deck!

There’s a family out there who needs prayer… I know there are many families out there who need prayer right now, but this family should be spending this Christmas with their newly adopted children but has just found out that this won’t be happening.  They are Keri & Nathan and their blog is http://keriandnathan.blogspot.com/ .. the truth of this situation is so infuriating!  This mom is someone who encouraged me through our adoption frustration/delays/roadblocks even though Rwanda had closed her file.  Please take some time to pray for her situation—Their family just adopted 2 children from Ghana (they are legally adopted—have been to Ghana to meet them already, have gone through all the government checks with both countries, and as of a couple of days ago, one of the children was refused a visa into the US.)  This is not just a delay… her son and daughter are in a third world country without their parents and they’re not allowed to try for a visa again for 6 months.  This hits home. 

I know that if Liam or Ezra were in an orphanage halfway across the world right now I would be appealing to EVERYONE I knew to help and pray to bring my children home.  I am asking everyone I know to please pray!

I know that this Christmas when I am sitting around the tree with both of my children it will be bitter sweet—I finally have my son home, but I will be painfully aware that Keri & Nathan and their children will not be together.

It is a privilege that we have to be able to pray for those around the world whom we’ve never met—we are the body of Christ!

This morning Ezra came out the the den with one of his shirts on his head (not abnormal around here at all).  I said to him, "Are you wearing a hat today?", to which he replied, "No, I Massarie".  Massarie is what he called the sisters at the orphanage--I have NO idea how to spell the word.

Ezra proceeded to tell me he was a Massarie at the orphanage and clarify things by saying, "and Ezra no more orphanage".  We have had many conversations this week about his place in our family.  It seems that he is now voicing his concerns/desires about him staying here.  He told Shawn a number of days ago he wanted to stay here with us--to which Shawn tried to assure Ezra that he wasn't going back to the orphanage because he is now here with us... we are his family.  Definitely difficult things to explain to a 3 year old who still doesn't have a perfect understanding of the English language.
I'm really glad that Ezra is talking so candidly about this... it is allowing us to daily tell him that he is staying with us (I'm sure the other shoppers in isle 4 of the store yesterday found our 'orphanage conversation that Ezra initiated rather odd. (It's not the normal thing to come up in conversation here in Canada).
I think/hope he gets it.  I'm glad that he's not just holding it inside--that's a big thing for a little guy to even have to wonder about.

I was fortunate to be able to have my picture taken with the Massarie that visited our house today :)

Balloons!

We don't have a pool, we don't have a dog, we don't even have central air conditioning, BUT we do have our very own balloon pit. 

 

Last month someone at church had a birthday party and felt that our home was the best place for 2 garbage bags of leftover balloons.  Thus was born our balloon pit. 

 

Well our good old balloon pit was getting empty and the balloons that had survived were rather shriveled.  So, seeing as Liam's birthday is tomorrow, I decided it was time to refill the pit. 
So far Ezra has been the one enjoying it, but I'm sure Liam will be jumping in soon enough!

I like having a ball pit... probably more than having a pool or a dog

(however, I would trade it in anytime for central air!)

Coffee House

Our Church had a Christmas coffee house the other night.  The lights were dim, there were goodies on the tables, great conversation, and fantastic musicians playing.  Liam was given the opportunity to play 2 songs on the piano at the coffee house. 

One of them was a duet with his piano teacher and the other song he played by himself.

 

He made some mistakes but it was wonderful to watch our church family speak such kind and encouraging words to him for the rest of the evening.  As soon as he finished playing, he said to me, "I made a lot of mistakes", however by the time we got home, his first words to Shawn were "Everyone said I did really well!!!"  I love our church family. 

 I love to see what the encouragement does for Liam.  Ezra and Liam are opposites--Ezra LOVES attention up front, however Liam is so timid in front of people.

Friends

I love our friends.  This is in no way 'adoption' related, but this is more like "if it weren't for fun times like this I'd be insane" related.
Our friends Allan and Darcie were over for pizza and because I stink at cooking, the bottom of the pizza didn't cook.  SO... plan B was to fry it in the frying pan.  Great, until it was time to remove it from the pan.  That's when the fun began!

Orphan Sunday

Eric Ludy puts words to the ache in my heart for the orphans that are all too easily forgotten. 

He puts words to the anger I feel towards those in our government who did everything they could to prevent us from adopting our son. 

He puts words to the sorrow I feel when I remember the children who are still in the Home of Hope orphanage in Rwanda... whose faces I can still see, whose voices I can still hear calling and reaching out to Shawn, calling him "Papa".

 

November 4th is Orphan Sunday.  Not everyone is called to adopt, but we all have a great responsibility to care for the orphans.  Let our hearts be continually broken for these children...

 

 

"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you."  James 1:27

 

"And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on My behalf is welcoming Me." Matthew 18:5

 

 

Time with the girls

We had so much fun with Nina, Patience and Diana.  They are such sweet girls.  Both Liam and Ezra enjoyed having them around--Liam was sad that they had to leave so soon.

 

 

Nina was trying to teach Ezra how to play Mary Had a Little Lamb. 

 

 

Shawn was helping to teach Patience how to make the Lego wall more stable--Shawn is such a good and patient teacher.  Patience's wall will soon be impenetrable!

 



 

One last story.

 

 

I shouldn't have been so anxious about having them.  That's one of my faults--I worry about stuff so much that I pass up so many good things.  Being able to have the girls was very important to Shawn so we decided to have them.  As usual, Shawn was right.  It was great to have them.  I need to work on worrying about details and possible problems... I'm glad I have a husband who is different from me in this way.

 

 

 

 

Nina, Patience & Diana

The African Children's Choir sang at our church last night and it was amazing.  Those kids can sing and dance.  We get to have 3 of the girls stay with us for the next couple of day and they're so sweet. 

 

I love this picture of Shawn reading to all the kids before school time.  He is SO good with kids! 

 

Liam told me that it's easier having Nina, Patience and Diana than it is having Ezra... I think having them is closer to what he thought having an adopted brother/sister would be like (closer to his age).
Ezra spent a bit of time staring at them when he saw them in our house for the first time this morning.  I hope this is a good experience for him. 

This is the only picture I have so far, but I'm hoping we can snap some more as we're having fun over the next couple of days.

Craft time

I'm pretty lucky that Liam is an easy going boy.  He loves his Lego, but can also have fun with Ezra's toys.  He's the same way with crafts.  He's happy to do the same craft as his 3 year old brother and never complains that it's boring or childish--he's so happy with anything. 

So once a week, we put off Liam's school for a while and the boys do a craft together.  Yesterday it was full body tracing and colouring and I'm not sure who enjoyed it more!

 

I'm loving the crafts we're doing, but I don't know what to do with all their beautiful creations (I do more with Ezra than with Liam, but our fridge & walls are getting filled up quickly!)

 

 

The days can sometimes be long but I LOVE having them home with me, and I love teaching them.  I enjoy them and they seriously make me laugh all the time!

*On a more educational note--  Ezra is loving to count EVERYTHING.  Least you think he's brilliant and I'm amazing, I took notes when he was counting crayons just a minute ago:

One, two, four, eight, nine, elephant, three, eight, one, ten, five!

*On a less appealing note-- I keep getting wafts of poo smell.  I haven't been able to find the source but am becoming more worried and grossed out by the minute.  Wish me luck!

 

 

 

 

Jealous

Ezra won’t really cuddle or sit on my lap or any fun stuff like that right now.  I think I understand why... I don’t like it, but I think I understand. 

The hard part is seeing how, even though he won’t cuddle/be held by me, he will lavish all that on random friends and people who come over.  He will sit and rest and stare into their eyes as if to soak and bask in their attention.  It frustrates me because I have been trying so hard to intentionally connect with him and show him how much I love him and what it is to have a mom.  But he sees me every day—there’s nothings special about my attention right now (I spend hours singing, playing and talking with him and he has come to expect this).  But for Shawn and other visitors, their attention is more valuable because Ezra doesn’t see them as often—I get it.

I was laying in bed the other night thinking about this and all of a sudden the first line of a David Crowder song came into my head- “He is jealous for me...”.   Oh how my children show me more and more about my Heavenly Father.  I am so Jealous for Ezra, I want him to know me as his mom, not just the name ‘mom’.  I want him to desire a relationship with me, not just look to me when he wants a snack. 

I needed to hear this message He has given me.  I know my Heavenly Father desires a relationship with me.  A relationship that thrives at all times.  A relationship where I come to Him, not only when I need something, but just so that I can listen, learn and be loved by Him.  I knew this all along, but I think I feel it—I feel the rejection my God must feel from me.

Every day that I look at Ezra, I can see myself. 
When he pushes me away, I must ask myself if I am pushing God away.
When he ignores me, I must ask myself if I am ignoring my Heavenly Father.
When he is deliberately defiant, I must ask myself how I am defying my Saviour.

the words that hang in my livingroom

Oh, how my children open my eyes.

 

 

Prayer

Liam’s prayer during family devotions today:  “Dear God, please let the internet stop working today so I don’t have to do school”. 

(Liam’s curriculum and my teacher’s manuals are online)

Tot School

So tot school isn't as bad as it sounds... we call it school because Liam has school and I want Ezra to realize that learning can be so much fun (especially when mommy is around... a bit of brainwashing never hurt attachment!)
I thought I'd go through some of the activities I'm doing with Ezra during Tot School so that if anyone else is trying to teach an internationally adopted toddler or special needs child it might help with ideas.  Disclaimer: I am not an expert (oh my goodness, I am SO not an expert!)  Every child is different and that's why it has been so challenging to find ideas.  Ezra doesn't fit into the mold.
As intentional as I was with early learning with Liam, it is nothing compared to how I have to get into this little one's mind.  Just when I think a game/activity is basic and where he's at, surprise, it's not.  This has been great for me to learn.  It's been good to really just break things down to the simplest form and make a game or song out of it.
We have been working on colours for a couple of weeks (and we've tossed in animals too just to bring some variety).  What has been hard is, because of the language barriers, we can't have colours mixed with shapes or overly colourful pages because a red truck usually has white, black and sometimes yellow accents on it which I now see can be confusing.  And when I point to a red triangle... how does he know if 'red' is describing the shape or the name of the colour. 
Important: All of these resources are only available when we are doing tot school—the idea behind this is that it is special and he is more attentive and excited to do each activity because it’s the only time in the day he gets to use them. Of course he has many other toys he can play with the rest of the day. This seems to be working!

Falling Bears- This is supposed to be a learning bingo game, but what I do is, Ezra can arrange the coloured bear squares anywhere on the board. Then I take a bear, say it’s colour, and drop it from up high.  Ezra gets 2 chances to catch the bear and then he puts it on the matching bear square.  *I was very excited when, unguided, Ezra began to place the little bears on the squares with the little bears and the big bears on the big bear squares... it just happened—YAY!*

 

Puzzles- Okay, so puzzles are a given, but I had to borrow some board puzzles and they’ve been great.  We have 3 puzzles with farm animals so we can say the name of each animal when he takes the piece out and puts it back in.  We alternate between books and puzzles and activities to keep the time exciting.

 

Books- So this may seem like a no brainer... but no reading actually happens.  We only talk about one or two things on a page right now or I ask him to find something on the page.  We have to find super simple books without many pictures so that we can make sure that he can understand how the words I say will match what he is seeing.

 

Colour Match Pegs- I totally stole this from someone online... sorry whoever, but I forget where I found it.  Basically, the colour on the clothes pegs matches the circles and he can match them up.  This was the first activity I actually saw improvement on within a few days.  Interestingly enough, I thought colours would be the basic thing to teach, but matching and seeing the differences in the colours is the base skill he’s been learning.  Still, 2 ½ weeks into it, one minute he can get it all right and the next moment he can think that every colour is called blue or purple (no big deal) and he can think that grey and pink match (meh).

 

Bells- 2 years ago, we bought coloured melody bells and haven’t had the chance to use them... until now!  Once again, we’re not using them for the reason they were made (or bought!)  We use them in one of the songs we sing about ringing bells high & low etc.  But the best use has been for colour matching.  I set 5 bells on one side of the room (blue, red, yellow, green, orange).  Ezra and I stand on the opposite side of the room.  I have large piece of paper in each of the colours and I hold them behind my back.  I look Ezra in the eyes and say “Ezra, could you go get me the.... red bell”.  He then runs to the other side of the room and finds the bell that matches the colour I’m holding (red).  When he picks it up he waves it above his head and runs back to me (while we yell “ring-a-ling-a-ling”).  I then put the red paper on the ground and he puts the bell on it.  AND repeat until all the bells are in front of me.  This is a highlight for him—running, yelling, making an unholy amount of noise with those bells and lots of praise from his momma!

 

Opposites- I can’t believe I brought these in, but he just seemed ready.  In everyday language I noticed he’s understanding words like open and close, and up and down.  So, I thought it might be a good opportunity to be intentional about teaching it.  These are simple 2 piece puzzles and so we can say the words, look at the puzzle pictures, do an action with it and then put the pieces together.  Talk, touch, do... these are good learning ingredients for boys (it would be perfect for him if we could add in taste!!!)

 

Singing & Finger Play- And of course the staple to every day is singing.  We doing the Itsy Bitsy  Spider, Row, Row, Row Your Boat, his favourite- 5 Little Monkeys, and a bunch more.  All of these have actions, running times and lots of eye contact (super good for attachment).

Wow, now that I write it down, that seems like a lot.  It’s not—it goes quickly.  It’s always fun for him or we stop doing it.  We do this while Liam does his first 1 or 2 subjects so that Ezra gets one on one attention at the beginning of the day.  He plays much better after this.

Ezra came to our family, not just with a language barrier, but without having someone read to him, didn't know what any animals were (never saw them), and had no concept of most of the things other 3 year olds have had exposure to.  It's not that he just needed to learn the English word for circle, or red, or cow... he needed to learn what those things were to begin with.  What a learning experience this is for both of us!

I seriously LOVE my boys!