Things are a bit more difficult here than we thought. Don't get me wrong, we didn't have any Disney ideas with adoption, but I guess it's difficult in different ways. Liam is having a hard time with the addition of a sibling. We prepared him, but it's still hard going from being an only child for 8 years, to instantly having a 3 year old around... all. the. time.
I have to be honest that I can relate to Liam more than I'd like to admit. It's hard and I don't have all the answers. I have tossed out a few adoption parenting books that seemed good at the time. I felt like I'm finding more answers and encouragement from reading blogs about other families who have dealt with adoption as well as just being loved and encouraged by friends (and I have to say I am SO blessed to have the friends that I do!)
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| Liam made me a play dough chicken |
Oh, and I've decided to become and extrovert. We'll see how that goes!
A couple of times Ezra has been teary and weepy. This is so hard because of the language difference I don't exactly know what's wrong. I know once it was because he didn't get his way. Another was because he wanted more food and he just looked blank and sad and cuddled with me (Shawn actually figured out that it was because he saw there was no food left for him to have more--easily solved with a yogurt). Then at nap time when I closed the window near his bed I looked at him and he had a tear rolling down his cheek and his bottom lip sticking out. He can't always have his own way, but it's hard to see him being quietly sad and not to know what exactly is wrong or how to deal with it.
I can only imagine what a huge adjustment it is for all of you. I am sure things will get easier down the road:) Just imagine being that little guy...Canada looks like one strange place after Rwanda! It will take some time for him to get settled into his new family and new home. Have you seen speakrwanda.com? There are lots of language resources there. We have a download for basic Kinyarwanda (numbers, greetings, etc.). Maybe it may be comforting for him to hear some? There is also great lakes BBC Radio here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/gahuza/umviriza_kandi/ I haven't a clue what they are saying though! I don't know if this would help, it's just a thought:)
ReplyDeleteFrom what I have read all you can do is try and meet his needs as much as possible for this first while- he needs to know you are always there, food is always there, toys are always there. After a while he will hopefully begin to know and understand this more and become more relaxed. From everything I have heard from other adoptive parents the normal parenting rules don't apply for a long while. But I can imagine it is hard having one set of rules for one son, and a different set for the other. I know that from having a daughter with special needs. My son, who is younger, feels unfairly treated sometimes compared to his big sis!
Hang in there Juanita, I know lots of people are sending prayers and positive vibes your way through this adjustment period.
Hey Hollie! So good to hear from you. We've been to speakrwanda.com and we have one of their language downloads. I've never heard of the other site. I just looked it up and bookmarked it. I'll have to talk a good look at it when I have time. I love having things in Ezra's language, but I get a bit nervous when I don't know what they're saying :)
DeleteI think we are going to have to have different food rules for Ezra... he wants to eat all the time and I want him to be healthy so I think I'm going to try to have tons of fruits and vegies for him to munch on so that he can have lots but not just crackers and finger food. Even ten minutes after a big meal he's asking for food again.
It's hard to believe that we've only been home for a week. Each day has gotten a bit better and I just keep praying for our older son (we're going to have to try to be creative to try to help him bond with Ezra--it's such a huge change for them both).
Thanks for the encouragement and prayers. I hope you're doing well.
Hi Hollie, I found your blog on the "Hearts for Rwanda" blog. We adopted our son from Rwanda in May 2009. I've been excited to follow your journey as we experienced many of the same things when we were there. Congratulations, and your little guy is so adorable! I wanted to post a comment today because my heart goes out to you as you are getting to know your son and how things work as a family of four. Adoption is awesome, but it is also a challenge in ways that others who haven't adopted may not relate to. I posted on my Mom Thoughts blog about some of the ways we bonded with our kids. Rather than try to mention them all here, I'll just add the link and you can check it out if you have time. http://amysmomthoughts.blogspot.com/2011/08/strengthening-family-bonds.html Hope the suggestions will be helpful to you...our kids are two and almost five now. (One last thing, when our son was first home, he used to stare out the window sadly. It broke my heart and I wondered what he was thinking. I assumed he missed HOH and those that cared for him there.) Blessings to you!
ReplyDeleteHey Amy--it's so good to hear from someone who has 'been there' and I guess is still going there ;) I really look forward to checking out your blog... I'll take any advice I can get. So, you've had your son home from Rwanda for 3 years now... how is he adjusting? How are you adjusting? We've only known Ezra now for about 5 weeks and we've been home for a little over a week but it feels so new, but also like it's been forever. Thanks so much for the message... I'm off to check out your blog :)
DeleteJuanita
P.S. Sorry for the weird spacing on my previous comment. That's not how I had it typed out. :) Amy
ReplyDeleteHi Juanita, sorry for addressing you as Hollie! The lack of sleep (due to my daughter who doesn't want to go to sleep or stay asleep) must be catching up with me! Our son, on the other hand, is doing great. The one adoption related issue that we deal with still is fear of strangers. (He goes into fight or flight mode thinking that they may try to take him away.) It's taken years to really understand it, and thankfully he can express himself well enough now that we're getting a better handle on it. Also, he really struggles with Daddy going back to work after the weekend. Mondays tend to be challenging for us as he acts out a lot. I think it may an abandonment issue. Tough stuff! However, for the most part our son is very gregarious, energetic, social, and crazy smart. With both of our kids, they were very delayed in some ways but caught up and surpassed the average for their age group.
ReplyDeleteThere is so much to say about our him, his adjustment, how we are adjusting, etc... Please feel free to email me at mymomthoughts@gmail.com.
I wanted to add that having food always available for your son is such a smart idea. It will help him feel safe and develop trust and a better bond with you all. It's a hard season at first! I'm praying for you.