Happy 3rd Birthday Little Guy!

Yesterday was our little Rwandan’s 3^rd birthday.  I was so sure we’d have him with us to celebrate but sadly that wasn’t the case.  Rather than just mope around thinking about the fact that he’s not here, Shawn had the great idea to go out and celebrate his birthday anyways.  So that we did!

We decided to drive into London (about 30minutes away) and have dinner at Swiss Chalet (a family favourite) and go to a move (which we rarely do).   I decided to take a bunch of pictures so that some day we will be able to show our little guy that we were thinking and celebrating him even before he came to us.

So on the way to London we got Tim Hortons--I love having coffee while we drive and the new Lattes were on for $1.  I confess that we didn't realize the drink we got Liam actually had espresso in it ... oops!

Shawn got tired of driving so we let Liam have a go at it.

Okay, maybe not.  Shawn just had to run into Best Buy for a minute.

Then off to Swiss Chalet YUM!

There aren't any pics of me at the restaurant that I can show, because I had our little guy's picture beside me (and we're not permitted to show his picture on the internet yet). 

Then off to the movies!!!  We saw Journey 2 and it was great!

And that was our day!

On slightly more depressing note, we found out today that the government (here in Ontario) is not willing to amend the fact that we're supposed to have death certificates from both bio parents of our little guy.  Our adoption agency is appealing this and has to submit the appeal by the end of this month.  So, again, today has been a difficult day. 

This is just another chance for me to trust God to do the impossible. 

I trust Him as my Comforter, Almighty, Guide, Refuge and Strength, and my Advocate!

We were supposed to hear news “early this week at the latest” with regards to how we’ll be allowed to progress with this adoption.  I guess Friday still is pretty early in the week.

 

On a more positive note, my muffins turned out nicely... I had to chisel the lemon loaf out of the pans … but the muffins are good.

“The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14

Trust

I sat in my son’s room last night ... not Liam’s room.  I sat on his bed and just thought.  It’s been so busy this month—at times there has been more business than sanity, but it has been good because I find that the busier I am, the less I dwell on the absence of one of my children (don’t get me wrong, I think and pray for him every day, but I don’t dwell).  Well, it was quiet last night and I just went into his little room and sat on his bed.  I thought about how I wished that he was sleeping in it—we had thought he would be here by now.

I’m so glad to be able to trust that God is in control.  If I didn’t have Him I’d be crazy by now (er, crazier).  For months now I’ve been drinking out of a certain mug (I LOVE coffee).  It simply says “Trust”.  I drink coffee all day every day (don’t judge) and wanted to be able to be reminded that I can’t worry about my timeline and that I can trust God.  Simple, but so huge.  He is so good to me. 

I don’t want to seem whiney in this post, I think that I wanted to write about this because I know there are so many families out there waiting for their babies.  It hurts to have another Christmas go by, another year go by without our babies.  Especially when I believe that most of us believed that this would finally be the year we would be able to have our children.    It’s been such a long journey with many delays and I find myself with the thought that I can make it through this Christmas knowing that he will be home by next Christmas ... well it’s next Christmas and so I will choose to trust and hope and say it again ... My son isn’t here this Christmas, but I look forward to next Christmas when I can fill his stocking and sit on his bed and watch him sleep.

For all you moms and dads who are still waiting for your babies, I’m crying with you, thinking of you, hoping with you and praying for you.

Love,
Juanita

The Silence

I set up my Christmas tree this morning. . .

When I brought out the stockings I cried. 

We are at what seems to be a stand still with the adoption.  Difficulties surrounding the fact that our boy isn’t a “true orphan” have created a big problem.  We are now going weeks with no news and seemingly no progress and thus I have a stocking for our Rwandan son that will be empty when I had all along believed and hoped he would be home for Christmas (or shortly after).  Without a doubt I know that God is All Powerful and working even when I cannot see any movement.  At Church last Sunday, the message was about seeing situations through God’s Eyes and how that can change everything.  I believe, trust, and hope but still I am sad that things are taking longer than I had hoped (actually about 2 years longer than I had hoped).  I know all the truths about God.  I know He is Amazing.  Unfortunately, I am obviously not as patient as I thought I was and my heart aches to hold my boy when apparently it is not yet time.

I have decided to use this time wisely.  I’m not going to put my life on hold waiting.  I will hope to accomplish great things for Him in the mean time.  I will become more the woman and mother He wants me to be during this time.  I will hunt down those dust bunnies that have gathered during the business and obliterate them! 

I have put off writing anything until today because this wait has been painful and longer than I had hoped.  But these hurdles are part of the process so I will share them, cry while I type and the pull up my big girl panties, find out where God is working and join Him!

Liam set up his Christmas tree a while ago.  It's difficult to see here, but it has a StarWars theme.

And then there is the manger set up.   So thankful He came.  He is my hope. 

Please pray for us & for our son in Rwanda. 
I covet your prayers.

I wish you could see my boy!

I feel like a proud grandma! 

Don’t worry, my 7 year old son isn’t pregnant or anything like that.  I have some pictures of our Rwandan son, and I keep them in a little album in my purse, so I’m constantly pulling the album out to show everyone pictures of my amazing little boy.  I am SO thankful that we have these pictures.  We don’t have a full official referral yet (we’re still waiting on his medical results and Ontario is requiring that he be a ‘true orphan’ and thus to adopt him we need death certificates for both parents), but we have pictures and we have hope.  My wonderful mother in law told me last week that even if something happened and we weren’t able to adopt him, that he was still her grandson because she already loves him and he’s in her heart for good.  I have times where I’m afraid that they might not be able to find the death certificates or that he might have a disease and then wouldn’t be allowed to bring him home, but then I have joy knowing that right now there is an entire church and our whole group of friends and family praying for this orphan (whether he is ours or not, he is covered in prayer—what a gift).

As of today, we have no new news ... but that’s okay.  I’ve been reading the blogs of a number of families who are in Rwanda right now meeting and adopting their children.  How incredible!!!  I look forward to when that is our family blogging, meeting our son, making our way through tons of paperwork  etc.  Until then, I have lots of work to do here in Canada.  Tomorrow we’re going to the travel clinic to get our shots ... I’ll be bringing my granny album of pictures of our son and you can bet I’ll be whipping it out to show anyone who is willing to look!

This is my granny album. 

No, I'm not a cat person, just cheap--there weren't many choices at the dollar store.

Names .. names .. names

Okay, so I had really hoped that we would be able to keep our child’s name.  I looked at it as being able to keep at least one thing from his life before the adoption because he would be losing so much.  Of course as life happens his name is not a name that would transfer into Canadian culture very well—not well at all.  I was even open to odd names, however I am sure he will be mocked incessantly if we keep his given name as his first name.  We will put it as a middle name, but now begins the process of thinking up a name for him.  Now, if he was a she, I would have a list a mile long to look at, but for a boy.  Hmmmm. 

Spinning the topic wheel a bit, it’s hard when I look at the process for my American friends because I see how after their referral they are traveling within weeks.  Our agency still isn’t sure if we’ll have him by Christmas (3 months from now).  I guess that gives us time to get things in order, but honestly, we’ve had 2 ½ years ... I’m ready to hold my boy! 

REFERRAL!

Wow!  So I woke up to Shawn sitting on our bed, looking at his ipod saying “Juanita, Juanita, uhhh, uhhhhh, Juanita!!”.  I thought he was doing some early morning bill paying so I was instantly worried, but then he was finally able to get some words out that told me he was looking at the email we had been waiting for.  It’s a boy!!!  We had been approved for siblings, either gender under the age of 4, so this was exciting but surprising.  I’m not disappointed, but it’s an adjustment.  For 2 years we had been referring to them as “our kids” but now we have to realize that we will be saying “our son”.  I love him already.  I don’t know why exactly it has worked out that we will only get one child (God knowing what is best for our family, God knowing that this is the child he has for us and he doesn’t have siblings, the government just decided to give us this child … who knows), but whatever the reason I am so thankful for this little guy.  I think one child will defiantly be easier for us as parents and I really think it will make the adjustment for Liam (going from being an only child to having a brother) a lot easier. 

So, what do we know about this little guy?  Not much!  We have one picture and we know his name—that’s it!  We have no idea how old he is.  If we say yes to him then he will undergo medical testing to make sure he is healthy.  We were only approved for healthy children, so if something big shows up, I don’t know what will happen.

I wish I could post a picture but I don’t think I’m allowed.  I don’t know when we’ll get to travel … I don’t know a whole lot, but I have a picture of a little boy that I love sooo much!  YAY!!