Trust

I sat in my son’s room last night ... not Liam’s room.  I sat on his bed and just thought.  It’s been so busy this month—at times there has been more business than sanity, but it has been good because I find that the busier I am, the less I dwell on the absence of one of my children (don’t get me wrong, I think and pray for him every day, but I don’t dwell).  Well, it was quiet last night and I just went into his little room and sat on his bed.  I thought about how I wished that he was sleeping in it—we had thought he would be here by now.

I’m so glad to be able to trust that God is in control.  If I didn’t have Him I’d be crazy by now (er, crazier).  For months now I’ve been drinking out of a certain mug (I LOVE coffee).  It simply says “Trust”.  I drink coffee all day every day (don’t judge) and wanted to be able to be reminded that I can’t worry about my timeline and that I can trust God.  Simple, but so huge.  He is so good to me. 

I don’t want to seem whiney in this post, I think that I wanted to write about this because I know there are so many families out there waiting for their babies.  It hurts to have another Christmas go by, another year go by without our babies.  Especially when I believe that most of us believed that this would finally be the year we would be able to have our children.    It’s been such a long journey with many delays and I find myself with the thought that I can make it through this Christmas knowing that he will be home by next Christmas ... well it’s next Christmas and so I will choose to trust and hope and say it again ... My son isn’t here this Christmas, but I look forward to next Christmas when I can fill his stocking and sit on his bed and watch him sleep.

For all you moms and dads who are still waiting for your babies, I’m crying with you, thinking of you, hoping with you and praying for you.

Love,
Juanita