Ezra's been separated from Liam before, but now that we think of it, it's never been Liam leaving and all three of us at home. He normally leaves with one of us. We kept telling Ezra that Liam was coming home soon... who knows if Liam's leaving is even what upset him (was he worried that Liam's new mommy was taking him home? Who knows.)
It just took Ezra way longer to recover from this than it normally takes him to recover from crying. Shawn and Ezra and I just spent a long time snuggled on the couch. Finally the only think that could get a response from Ezra (other than a "no") was Liam's teddy. Ezra hates all stuffed toys--he tolerates their existence day to day and will occasionally hug one, but at nap and bed time they get thrown from the bed with a very serious NO--mixed with the waging 'no' finger. All except white bear. He loves white bear. White bear belongs to Liam.
So white bear started talking to daddy and then to Ezra. And eventually Ezra started talking back to white bear and all of a sudden Ezra sat straight up with a happy look on his face and said e-i-e-i-o (the term he uses when he wants to watch the Baby Einstein farm video.)
So who know what that was all about. So strange and so hard to see such sadness in our son and have no ability to discern why. We are so grateful that we can snuggle and reassure him just by holding him close, rubbing his back, and telling him how much we love him.
I really related to your post. Thank you for sharing it. My son has been home for three years...he's almost five now. But he still battles fear. He is afraid of adults because maybe one of them will take him away. Every outing is a challenge if somebody unexpectedly talks to him, which everyone seems to want to do! If they ask his name or his age, he just about comes unglued. We are seeing progress, but he is still very afraid. The other struggle is when his daddy has to leave for work. He has such a hard time accepting that dad has to go. He feels hurt and angry that he's been left behind. Mondays are challenging here at home as he often acts out in response to daddy going back to work after being home all weekend. Honestly, I didn't figure out these two issues for a long time. My son didn't have the words to tell me what was upsetting him, and I didn't put together the pieces of what was causing the misbehavior. Most likely your son was fearful because his brother left. It makes my heart ache for these kids as they've been through so much in their few years. Praying for you today!
ReplyDeleteHi Amy! I appreciate you sharing the struggles you're having with your son. It's so hard to imagine that our children's minds even go to those places (that they might get taken away). I guess they saw that often enough in the orphanage that it's hard to completly understand that this family is the 'forever' family. I remember reading your blog a little while ago and your daughter was having a lot of difficutly sleeping. I hope she's doing better and in turn you guys are sleeping better too!
DeleteTake care!
It really stunned me when my son finally put in to words what he was afraid of. Tough stuff our little guys are dealing with, but God's love is big enough to heal their hearts! I've been thinking a lot on the verses in Isaiah about Jesus binding up the broken hearted and healing their wounds. I'm glad to have that hope for our kids. Thanks for asking about our daughter. Yes, she is sleeping well now! Being gluttons for punishment, we've started potty training her. :)
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