He's a planner

I love my boys... they make me laugh and shake my head all the time.

I came home two nights ago, after Ezra had been put to bed and Shawn told me he wanted to tell me about something Ezra had done.  I immediately asked "good or bad".  He clarified that it was more in the 'odd' category. 

When Shawn was putting Ezra to bed, Ezra told Shawn that he was going to cry later and wanted to make sure that Shawn would come upstairs into his room when he heard Ezra cry.  Shawn asked Ezra if he was sad and Ezra replied, 'no, not now, later.  I not sad... later I cry'.  So Shawn kept trying to clarify this odd conversation but Ezra was sticking to his story that he wasn't sad, but that he was going to cry later and wanted Shawn to come up when he started to cry.  So that was that.

15 minutes later, Shawn listened--no crying.  About another 15 minutes later Shawn heard Ezra crying... really crying.  When Shawn got into his room, Ezra kept saying that he knocked on the crib, but Shawn didn't come.  Shawn told him that he was there now because he heard him crying.  Finally after a while (and no clarification as to why Ezra had been crying), Ezra calmed down and went to sleep.

Then last night we heard over the baby monitor (we dug that out so that we could hear if he was crying), he started crying again... but different than normal.  It started out random and sort of pushed or forced--not his normal cry.  So I went upstairs to see him and I asked him what was wrong and he looked at me totally normal and said "I crying... see" and he pointed at his tears.  What was odd was, he wasn't sad (he wasn't fake happy either--believe me I totally recognize his sadness covered up with forced happiness).  He was just normal happy Ezra with a tear rolling down his face.  I asked him why he was sad and he said something to the effect that daddy had put him to bed and left him in bed.  I told him that it was because it was bed time and we all had to go to bed at some point.  We chatted and I asked him if he was sad and he said no--he didn't have a furrowed or puckered brow or anything.  When I left him he was fine and agreeing that it was bed time and time for him to sleep.

Oh my goodness.  What is that all about.  This child is planning to have cry sessions?  I am all for organization and planning, but deciding to have cry time just seems odd.

I don't even know if what I just wrote makes any sense--and part of that is because I don't think I can really make sense of it and I was there :)

Again, I have to say this is one of those laugh and shake my head moments.

Show no weakness

We had a family snowball fight at the park tonight.  Poor Ezra got cold and actually became rather emotional so we took him home to put him in a warm bath (for those of you who know Ezra well, he's always smiling and chipper--seriously).  Before going in the bath he was laughing hysterically but it wasn't because he was happy... he was trying so hard not to cry.  He did this until he just broke down and wept.  We just snuggled and when I asked why he was crying/sad, he just looked clueless and said "I don't know" and went back to crying.
I know this seems pretty normal to most people, but there is something different.  When Ezra doesn't get something he thinks he should have, it's pretty noticeable when he's upset--not because he has a tantrum or cries though.  He will just nonchalantly walk into another room.  When I call him to come to me, he quickly wipes his arm across his eyes, turns around had puts a big smile on his face.  I can still see some of the tears on his face.  When I ask him what's wrong, he smiles even bigger and says "I not sad, I happy"--and by that time the smile looks quite unnatural.  He keeps doing this until I tell him why I think he's upset and that's when he can't hold it in any longer.  The forehead puckers, the tears well up and he can no longer keep the 'happy' façade.   That's NOT normal. 
We keep trying to tell him how it's okay to be sad and cry (goodness knows, the child has seen his mother cry a number of times).
Don't get me wrong, I certainly don't want a whiny, cranky kid, but every kid needs to be able to break down and be sad/upset/weak so that his mom & dad can help sooth and carry his burdens--he's 4 years old!
I love my boys and it breaks my heart to even think that one of them doesn't think that he can be vulnerable in front of us.

Playing Together

With there being a 5 year age difference, it's hard for the boys to find stuff they both enjoy doing together.  The fact that they both love playing in the snow together is the main reason I love the snow!  Snow and pillow fights are basically the 2 things that they both enjoy playing together.

Until now...

Normally Liam would be well into school by now, but after breakfast they started playing this game where they stand on top of the couch, holding onto the window frames and try to pull each other off (of course giving the victor much valued points)

This has held their attention for almost 30 minutes already (without arguing or injury).  Don't get me wrong, I'm am certain sooner or later I will hear a big crash and something/someone will be broken, but for now school and caution can wait.  It is just so good to see them playing together and to hear Liam cheering for Ezra's victories (Liam told me that he's excited for Ezra to get points because that means that it's a challenge for him).

This mom has a smile on her face :)

This time last year

Yesterday was Ezra's 4th birthday.  This whole week I couldn't get my mind off the thoughts of 'this time last year'.  Last year had 7 months of memories where Ezra should have been with us, where because of government difficulties, he was waiting for us in Rwanda (all the while, the nuns thinking we really didn't want him).

This time last year it had been 4 months since we had received Ezra's picture in our email and we should have had him  home.  We decided to celebrate his birthday even though we were continents apart.  We went to Swiss Chalet (Shawn, Liam and myself), I propped Ezra's referral picture beside me in the booth and the four of us spent dinner together.  I'm guessing that our dinner was a bit tastier than Ezra's was.

We then went to the movies to watch a family flick--Ezra stayed in my purse because, even though it was a family movie, I don't think it would have been appropriate for a 3 year old.

Well, this birthday he is with us... boy is he with us.  He know what having a birthday means (after witnessing Liam's birthday in December) and he has been waiting for HIS day for so long now. 

What a great day it was.  It is so much sweeter not only because we missed the first few birthdays, but really because of how hard it was last year--to know his name, have his picture and know that our son didn't have his mom and dad with him to celebrate with him (Africa is so far away, especially when your child is there and you're not).

The cake, presents and attention were overwhelming.  From the other room I could usually hear him talking to himself about his birthday, singing birthday music to himself, or, of course arguing about his birthday with himself.

Yesterday was his day in the spotlight and he loved it.

Such a great day.  I know that every birthday I will feel immense gratitude to our Lord for the miracle that allows us to celebrate with our son!

hair

I'll be the first one to admit that I'm not the best at taking care of Ezra's hair (it was so much easier in the summer when we could just buzz it off).  But his 'winter' fro is quite a bit more labour intensive.

I tried twists for the first time this morning.  I learned how from youtube (same place I learned how to use my serger, cook, and most other things--if I can learn something in less than 4 minutes, I'm up for it!)

 

The video said it could stay in for up to a week.  And like the video told me to, I used lots of conditioning stuff and combed it really well so it wouldn't be knotted.  I am, however, worried that after 1 or 2 sleeps it will be soo knotted we'll have to shave it off!   

 

 

Sooooo, if the next picture you see of Ezra is with a shaved head, you'll know what happened :(

I had to try.

I hope it stays in long enough for Shawn to see it on Saturday morning when he gets home.  It's too much work to only stay in for 1 or 2 days!!!

 

 

Liam made it very clear that he did not want me to do that to his hair. 

No problem Liam!

 

 

.... just two more day until Shawn comes home. 

I am so counting down the hours!

 

 

Forgetting How

I don't know if it's just my Ezra, but every month or so, he forgets how to play by himself.
Yesterday I did tot school with him and another little boy and he had a blast.  We went outside for a bit, the boys watched a bit of tv, and I read him books... we had lots of 'face time' and it wasn't just a boring old day.  But when it was "Ezra alone play time" he couldn't do it.  He would wander around and seek more attention until I told him he had to go into the den and play with his toys.  He then would either just wander around the den aimlessly or just sit on the floor in front of his toys and wait for play time to end.  Honestly, there is only so much attention I can give the child.  Shawn and I have put him to the test in the past to see how long he would just sit and wait for play time to be over rather than amuse himself... it was remarkably long!
When we first had Ezra, he was pretty good at alone play time, but then when he realized that it was more fun to be entertained by an adult it was funny how quickly he lost the ability to play--seriously acted like he was fully incapable of playing by himself. 
Shawn and I just expect it every few weeks and can just laugh at the absurdity of it BUT Shawn is away this week and the days are looooong.   I was expecting a little regression because of Shawn's absence and so far it hasn't been too bad (just forgetting how to play and speak properly... not bad!).
Fortunately we have a little routine we go through when this happens to help encourage him to 'remember' how to play.  So today we are working on this and have had some improvement!

 

Now, if I could only find out the source of the pee smell I'd feel a bit better.

 

Well, that's new

We experienced some new behaviour today... but first the fun stuff:

 

This winter has been a blast so far.  The snow brings with it so many fun activities... so far we've had snow forts...

 

tobogganing...

 

and then yesterday we went skating. 

I have to admit that holding a 3 year old up on skates for 40 minutes has given me a great awareness to certain muscles the 'day after'.  So much fun!!

Now onto the new behaviour... stealing food.
We had some leftover timbits on our counter from a church meeting  last night.  I noticed that Ezra had some suspicious crumbs on his face and started questioning him.  If there was any doubt, his sweet sticky hands and missing timbits revealed the truth.
I think we've been lucky up to this point to have gotten away with mild food issues (Ezra's inability to know when he's full and always wanting more food).  I hope this just ends up being 3 year old boundary testing and not something bigger  *fingers crossed*
It was interesting that for about an hour after dealing with this, Ezra would bring up comments about going back to the orphanage--almost looking disappointed when we told him "no more orphanage" and that Jesus gave him to us to stay with us.  It's still hard to explaining 'big' things to a 3 year old with limited language and comprehension (don't get me wrong, he understands a lot, but some concepts are beyond the comprehension of a 3 year old).

I so badly want Ezra to know, really know that we love him.  I want him to know that we will always love him.  I hope that we can show our love to him through loving discipline followed by tons of hugs, kisses and smiles.