He's a planner

I love my boys... they make me laugh and shake my head all the time.

I came home two nights ago, after Ezra had been put to bed and Shawn told me he wanted to tell me about something Ezra had done.  I immediately asked "good or bad".  He clarified that it was more in the 'odd' category. 

When Shawn was putting Ezra to bed, Ezra told Shawn that he was going to cry later and wanted to make sure that Shawn would come upstairs into his room when he heard Ezra cry.  Shawn asked Ezra if he was sad and Ezra replied, 'no, not now, later.  I not sad... later I cry'.  So Shawn kept trying to clarify this odd conversation but Ezra was sticking to his story that he wasn't sad, but that he was going to cry later and wanted Shawn to come up when he started to cry.  So that was that.

15 minutes later, Shawn listened--no crying.  About another 15 minutes later Shawn heard Ezra crying... really crying.  When Shawn got into his room, Ezra kept saying that he knocked on the crib, but Shawn didn't come.  Shawn told him that he was there now because he heard him crying.  Finally after a while (and no clarification as to why Ezra had been crying), Ezra calmed down and went to sleep.

Then last night we heard over the baby monitor (we dug that out so that we could hear if he was crying), he started crying again... but different than normal.  It started out random and sort of pushed or forced--not his normal cry.  So I went upstairs to see him and I asked him what was wrong and he looked at me totally normal and said "I crying... see" and he pointed at his tears.  What was odd was, he wasn't sad (he wasn't fake happy either--believe me I totally recognize his sadness covered up with forced happiness).  He was just normal happy Ezra with a tear rolling down his face.  I asked him why he was sad and he said something to the effect that daddy had put him to bed and left him in bed.  I told him that it was because it was bed time and we all had to go to bed at some point.  We chatted and I asked him if he was sad and he said no--he didn't have a furrowed or puckered brow or anything.  When I left him he was fine and agreeing that it was bed time and time for him to sleep.

Oh my goodness.  What is that all about.  This child is planning to have cry sessions?  I am all for organization and planning, but deciding to have cry time just seems odd.

I don't even know if what I just wrote makes any sense--and part of that is because I don't think I can really make sense of it and I was there :)

Again, I have to say this is one of those laugh and shake my head moments.

Show no weakness

We had a family snowball fight at the park tonight.  Poor Ezra got cold and actually became rather emotional so we took him home to put him in a warm bath (for those of you who know Ezra well, he's always smiling and chipper--seriously).  Before going in the bath he was laughing hysterically but it wasn't because he was happy... he was trying so hard not to cry.  He did this until he just broke down and wept.  We just snuggled and when I asked why he was crying/sad, he just looked clueless and said "I don't know" and went back to crying.
I know this seems pretty normal to most people, but there is something different.  When Ezra doesn't get something he thinks he should have, it's pretty noticeable when he's upset--not because he has a tantrum or cries though.  He will just nonchalantly walk into another room.  When I call him to come to me, he quickly wipes his arm across his eyes, turns around had puts a big smile on his face.  I can still see some of the tears on his face.  When I ask him what's wrong, he smiles even bigger and says "I not sad, I happy"--and by that time the smile looks quite unnatural.  He keeps doing this until I tell him why I think he's upset and that's when he can't hold it in any longer.  The forehead puckers, the tears well up and he can no longer keep the 'happy' façade.   That's NOT normal. 
We keep trying to tell him how it's okay to be sad and cry (goodness knows, the child has seen his mother cry a number of times).
Don't get me wrong, I certainly don't want a whiny, cranky kid, but every kid needs to be able to break down and be sad/upset/weak so that his mom & dad can help sooth and carry his burdens--he's 4 years old!
I love my boys and it breaks my heart to even think that one of them doesn't think that he can be vulnerable in front of us.